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Tuesday, 19 February 2008

I never knew, You never were

A challenge on Raw Em0tion recently was to submit a poem that had 5 or more alliterative lines. Here is my submission:

I never knew
You never were
And hated hearing empty words
Feeling every emptiness
Like bitter bounds of joy
I never knew
You couldn’t be
Something that meant more to me
Another status quo, it seems
I never knew you were.

Posted by Saiyu at 15:19
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6 comments:

Southern Belle said...

You suit depressing stuff well lol...tis a good poem :) x

20 February 2008 at 01:27
Saiyu said...

lol thankies

20 February 2008 at 02:50
Clare said...

I love this poem and the neat, compact directness of it, plus the intensity of the feelings -- it's brilliant. And I really like the way you beautifully repeated the line "I never knew" in such a way that tells a complete story from "never were" to "couldn't be" to "were" -- this was really powerful and creative.
:)

20 February 2008 at 09:04
Saiyu said...

Thanks :D that means a lot

20 February 2008 at 09:28
Dan. said...

Like the other said- good poem, hreat use of repeatition to achieve different effects.

20 February 2008 at 10:50
Saiyu said...

thank you very much

20 February 2008 at 11:07

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